This story is an exclusive chapter excerpt from MATE: Become the Man Women Want.
You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view…until you climb into his skin and walk around in it. —Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird
You have no fucking idea what you’re doing.
Not when it comes to sex and dating and women, anyway. Don’t beat yourself up about it, though, because it’s not your fault. Your culture has failed you and the women you’re trying to meet.
We have been working with young single men in our capacities as educators, public figures and authors for more than 30 years. In that time, the most common question we’ve gotten from guys centers on how to increase their confidence with women.
But there’s a much deeper problem: at least 70 percent of their questions reveal a total failure to understand the woman’s point of view.
Why does this matter? As a man, it is impossible to be better at mating until you understand the subjective experience of a woman, because it is fundamentally different than yours in many ways. If you can account for those differences, you will be well on your way to increased success because most men spend zero time thinking about this.
The differences start from the very beginning, at our deepest primal levels.
When a man interacts with a woman, his greatest fear is sexual rejection and humiliation. This causes him to spend as much time and energy (if not more) on defensive strategies to protect against rejection as he does on mating strategies to attract women.
Women are totally different. In these interactions, they are not much afraid of rejection. Rather, when a woman interacts with a man, she is afraid of being physically harmed or sexually assaulted.